brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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