Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
