I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize