don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
