Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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