Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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