i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
