Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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