I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
