everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
