Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
