too bad you live with your parents still
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
