i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
