She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
