Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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