oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
