spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
