He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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