I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
