Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
