people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
