Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
