I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
