I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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