good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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