oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At least life still wants to fuck me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
