I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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