i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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