Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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