Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world