I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.