You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me