i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
