Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

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  (817): is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign. http://tfl.nu/8cf5
  Replies (51) Good night (2407) Bad night (1100)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.

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  (808): Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high. http://tfl.nu/emp7
  Replies (8) Good night (6078) Bad night (1118)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part

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  (715): I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part http://tfl.nu/to5h
  Replies (15) Good night (998) Bad night (4256)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

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  (201): They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me http://tfl.nu/zcpa
  Replies (6) Good night (4071) Bad night (1032)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"

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  (612): He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?" http://tfl.nu/lotk
  Replies (10) Good night (3272) Bad night (1187)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

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  (303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg
  Replies (19) Good night (8714) Bad night (1897)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.

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  (574): We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head. http://tfl.nu/s37i
  Replies (14) Good night (1811) Bad night (496)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today

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  (386): Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today http://tfl.nu/fdks
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (282)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.

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  (314): I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle. http://tfl.nu/q65f
  Replies (3) Good night (445) Bad night (257)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Happy Birhtday!

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home

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  (416): Happy Birhtday! (289): Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home http://tfl.nu/oimr
  Replies (4) Good night (1797) Bad night (339)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.

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  (773): If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks. http://tfl.nu/wf91
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (326)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.

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  (570): I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head. http://tfl.nu/umyc
  Replies (4) Good night (481) Bad night (341)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this

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  (905): He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this http://tfl.nu/kyr9
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (220)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.

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  (870): I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad. http://tfl.nu/fd99
  Replies (0) Good night (213) Bad night (608)
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  (323): View more from California

  You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.

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  (323): You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern. http://tfl.nu/mns4
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (218)

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