Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
