We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.