Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.