i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
