Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
