is your mom at the bar?
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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