the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
