I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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