I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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