What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised