YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.