JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance