I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I AM VODKA MAN
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool