Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.