i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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