Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
