In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
