Your face is a jimmy john
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Come see our sink grown plant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
