I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
