D3 body, D1 cock
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
as a side note pls kill me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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