Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
