You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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