Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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