finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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