That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
