I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
