I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
