I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him