She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina