the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He did a backflip because drugs
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