Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room