it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.