having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND