nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.