My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
