Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
