Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
