I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He better not be in your backpack
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
