Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
