In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
