So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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