I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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