saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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