Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
