how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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