My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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