I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
