My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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