theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
