first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
