before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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