Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
