she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
