oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
