also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
