You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
