i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You can't special order awesome
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
