chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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