Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
