Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
